








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 189 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 154 matches | ||
| Faceit | 106 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




128 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3108 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,317 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2056 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2099 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1523 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1639 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,235,068 of utility $204 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 143 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Falcon | 63% | 16 |
| #2 | Subunnah | 54% | 136 |
| #3 | whalebone | 53% | 73 |
| #4 | KorKross | 53% | 227 |
| #5 | xJaquar | 51% | 138 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Subunnah | 54% | 136 |
| #3 | whalebone | 53% | 73 |
| #4 | KorKross | 53% | 227 |
| #5 | xJaquar | 51% | 138 |
| #6 | ice.splice() | 41% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Subunnah | 35 | 0.0138 |
| #2 | KorKross | 19 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | xJaquar | 12 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | ice.splice() | 8 | 0.0102 |
| #5 | whalebone | 4 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xJaquar | 727 | 0.30 | 18 min |
| #2 | KorKross | 629 | 0.15 | 15 min |
| #3 | whalebone | 293 | 0.24 | 7 min |
| #4 | Subunnah | 237 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #5 | ice.splice() | 60 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Falcon | +1.33 | 71 | 65 |
| #2 | KorKross | +1.24 | 69 | 67 |
| #3 | whalebone | +0.81 | 77 | 60 |
| #4 | Subunnah | +0.60 | 78 | 60 |
| #5 | xJaquar | -0.36 | 64 | 77 |





