








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 178 matches | ||
| Faceit | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4169 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,186 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3938 | 43% |
| Smokes | 2391 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1787 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1070 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $463,323 of utility $75 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teddy Westside | 65% | 46 |
| #2 | Falcon | 64% | 70 |
| #3 | Subunnah | 63% | 41 |
| #4 | uppers | 63% | 38 |
| #5 | xJaquar | 56% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bling2king12 | 40 | 0.0267 |
| #2 | Subunnah | 10 | 0.0115 |
| #3 | Falcon | 8 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | uppers | 6 | 0.0075 |
| #5 | KorKross | 5 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Falcon | 368 | 0.25 | 9 min |
| #2 | KorKross | 235 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #3 | uppers | 224 | 0.28 | 5 min |
| #4 | Teddy Westside | 210 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #5 | xJaquar | 202 | 0.29 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | uppers | +4.13 | 69 | 65 |
| #2 | Falcon | +2.06 | 83 | 66 |
| #3 | whalebone | +1.89 | 79 | 61 |
| #4 | Teddy Westside | +1.27 | 70 | 76 |
| #5 | Unavailable | +0.52 | 88 | 57 |





