








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 165 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
710 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,082 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 695 | 33% |
| Smokes | 369 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 759 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 259 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $277,964 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 50 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jwil | 41% | 96 |
| #2 | Private War Daddy | 40% | 65 |
| #3 | Hank Schrader | 39% | 23 |
| #4 | squidy | 38% | 13 |
| #5 | HAWGHUNTER | 38% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Hank Schrader | 39% | 23 |
| #4 | squidy | 38% | 13 |
| #5 | HAWGHUNTER | 38% | 21 |
| #6 | Unc | 33% | 27 |
| #7 | Jab Jabich | 32% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jwil | 14 | 0.0072 |
| #2 | Private War Daddy | 9 | 0.0066 |
| #3 | Hank Schrader | 3 | 0.0062 |
| #4 | Unc | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | HAWGHUNTER | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jwil | 167 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #2 | Private War Daddy | 136 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | Hank Schrader | 38 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | squidy | 35 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | HAWGHUNTER | 33 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Private War Daddy | +5.07 | 66 | 43 |
| #2 | Jwil | +0.28 | 50 | 48 |
| #3 | Hank Schrader | -0.03 | 83 | 36 |
| #4 | HAWGHUNTER | -2.05 | 46 | 34 |
| #5 | Buck | -2.12 | 28 | 50 |





