








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 69 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 253 matches | ||
| Faceit | 23 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 60 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3488 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,001 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5512 | 31% |
| Smokes | 5242 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 4097 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3150 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $714,955 of utility $93 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 629 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WooWoof | 60% | 42 |
| #2 | Theporr1aaa | 55% | 53 |
| #3 | Rot Dam's | 54% | 28 |
| #4 | .7' | 52% | 29 |
| #5 | All Alone, like a dog | 51% | 183 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | .7' | 52% | 29 |
| #5 | All Alone, like a dog | 51% | 183 |
| #6 | Dks | 48% | 62 |
| #7 | AtomicKitty | 48% | 23 |
| #8 | βͺhelloman | 46% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | All Alone, like a dog | 13 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | βͺhelloman | 6 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | Theporr1aaa | 6 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | WooWoof | 6 | 0.0071 |
| #5 | .7' | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | All Alone, like a dog | 546 | 0.14 | 17 min |
| #2 | Theporr1aaa | 287 | 0.26 | 9 min |
| #3 | Dks | 268 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #4 | WooWoof | 139 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #5 | βͺhelloman | 129 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | All Alone, like a dog | +3.06 | 86 | 66 |
| #2 | Rot Dam's | +3.04 | 86 | 77 |
| #3 | WooWoof | +1.89 | 71 | 58 |
| #4 | Theporr1aaa | +1.55 | 84 | 78 |
| #5 | βͺhelloman | +0.38 | 75 | 66 |





