








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 303 matches | ||
| Faceit | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4049 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,078 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3551 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3685 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2913 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2929 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $915,940 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Daboss | 68% | 93 |
| #2 | KastorTroy | 65% | 124 |
| #3 | oxmo | 65% | 103 |
| #4 | JOHNBAPTISTE | 58% | 59 |
| #5 | h1z0w | 57% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | KastorTroy | 65% | 124 |
| #3 | oxmo | 65% | 103 |
| #4 | JOHNBAPTISTE | 58% | 59 |
| #5 | h1z0w | 57% | 61 |
| #6 | Martin Spray | 50% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KastorTroy | 12 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | h1z0w | 7 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | Daboss | 5 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | JOHNBAPTISTE | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | oxmo | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oxmo | 402 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #2 | Daboss | 339 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #3 | KastorTroy | 242 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #4 | h1z0w | 125 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | JOHNBAPTISTE | 120 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | valko | +1.75 | 84 | 68 |
| #2 | Daboss | +0.79 | 72 | 67 |
| #3 | h1z0w | +0.67 | 72 | 62 |
| #4 | JOHNBAPTISTE | -0.36 | 58 | 63 |
| #5 | oxmo | -0.44 | 51 | 66 |





