








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 110 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Wingman | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2046 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,955 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 693 | 18% |
| Smokes | 411 | 10% |
| HE Grenades | 1116 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1735 | 44% |
Our logs show you have wasted $551,798 of utility $69 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1074 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Anthobot | 52% | 29 |
| #8 | Captain Jack Sparrow | 50% | 20 |
| #9 | YaqTheNok | 48% | 23 |
| #10 | Xi_CoRupTed_iX | 48% | 84 |
| #11 | Glow | 27% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mumflr Fumperdink | 22 | 0.0157 |
| #2 | Xi_CoRupTed_iX | 4 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | RACECAR | 4 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | Anthobot | 4 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | Ja'ka'ke | 3 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xi_CoRupTed_iX | 532 | 0.30 | 15 min |
| #2 | Mumflr Fumperdink | 186 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #3 | Ja'ka'ke | 124 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | RACECAR | 66 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Anthobot | 65 | 0.09 | 2 min |





