








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 305 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 286 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3563 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,353 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7040 | 46% |
| Smokes | 3950 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1912 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 2451 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,944,995 of utility $184 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 754 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | RACECAR | 48% | 94 |
| #8 | c0nVid | 48% | 84 |
| #9 | Anthobot | 47% | 59 |
| #10 | Jasper | 42% | 31 |
| #11 | Captain Jack Sparrow | 41% | 122 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mumflr Fumperdink | 40 | 0.0149 |
| #2 | Ja'ka'ke | 11 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | RACECAR | 7 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | c0nVid | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | Anthobot | 5 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mumflr Fumperdink | 502 | 0.19 | 14 min |
| #2 | Ja'ka'ke | 300 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #3 | Captain Jack Sparrow | 239 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #4 | Anthobot | 154 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #5 | Jasper | 152 | 0.24 | 3 min |





