








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 624 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 87 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2908 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,408 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2770 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3340 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2057 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 3241 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,260,418 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 295 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mumflr Fumperdink | 36 | 0.0179 |
| #2 | chanj | 18 | 0.0084 |
| #3 | Xi_CoRupTed_iX | 8 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | c0nVid | 6 | 0.0054 |
| #5 | Anthobot | 4 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xi_CoRupTed_iX | 624 | 0.25 | 17 min |
| #2 | Mumflr Fumperdink | 350 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #3 | chanj | 275 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #4 | Captain Jack Sparrow | 113 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | Anthobot | 97 | 0.06 | 3 min |





