








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 22 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1056 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,638 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 337 | 9% |
| Smokes | 1206 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 783 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1312 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $656,504 of utility $197 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | toffie2 | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Cooperphile | 62% | 13 |
| #3 | Zeni | 59% | 37 |
| #4 | Cooper | 52% | 44 |
| #5 | R3ALM | 49% | 79 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Cooper | 52% | 44 |
| #5 | R3ALM | 49% | 79 |
| #6 | GT | 49% | 121 |
| #7 | xX_coprophile99_Xx | 48% | 117 |
| #8 | dabodhisattva | 45% | 96 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xX_coprophile99_Xx | 8 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | R3ALM | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | GT | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | dabodhisattva | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Cooper | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xX_coprophile99_Xx | 187 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #2 | Zeni | 187 | 0.25 | 5 min |
| #3 | Cooper | 149 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | dabodhisattva | 105 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | R3ALM | 104 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zeni | +4.51 | 89 | 62 |
| #2 | Cooperphile | +3.35 | 77 | 59 |
| #3 | xX_coprophile99_Xx | +2.66 | 75 | 64 |
| #4 | Cooper | +1.70 | 71 | 54 |
| #5 | GT | +1.42 | 57 | 27 |





