








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 16 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
235 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,377 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 435 | 32% |
| Smokes | 491 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 163 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 288 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $86,253 of utility $80 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Cfoxey | 29% | 7 |
| #9 | larry | 25% | 12 |
| #10 | szns | 22% | 9 |
| #11 | tost | 22% | 9 |
| #12 | TRUB0b | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Beef | 2 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | DirtyPigeon | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | larry | 1 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | Gabehasbongo | 1 | 0.0085 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♡ Gr1ff1n ♡ | 77 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #2 | DirtyPigeon | 69 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | larry | 39 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | Gabehasbongo | 34 | 0.29 | 1 min |
| #5 | Depressed Pulse | 32 | 0.09 | 1 min |





