








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 896 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 420 matches | ||
| Faceit | 136 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 123 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8050 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,601 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6124 | 28% |
| Smokes | 4754 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 6251 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 4472 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,413,540 of utility $166 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 581 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jocker | 54% | 134 |
| #2 | Lunk | 53% | 155 |
| #3 | big hamster. | 52% | 73 |
| #4 | Hansa | 52% | 143 |
| #5 | psema | 50% | 127 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | psema | 50% | 127 |
| #6 | Mini Larsen | 50% | 62 |
| #7 | Ludvig | 50% | 108 |
| #8 | ItsHypnotix | 49% | 168 |
| #9 | Horizontally Spinning Rat | 48% | 159 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | psema | 29 | 0.0112 |
| #2 | ItsHypnotix | 19 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | Horizontally Spinning Rat | 17 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | Hansa | 10 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | Lunk | 8 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lunk | 603 | 0.18 | 14 min |
| #2 | psema | 492 | 0.19 | 12 min |
| #3 | Horizontally Spinning Rat | 325 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #4 | ItsHypnotix | 317 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #5 | Ludvig | 256 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mini Larsen | +2.09 | 81 | 65 |
| #2 | Aekara | +1.95 | 77 | 53 |
| #3 | big hamster. | +1.84 | 84 | 55 |
| #4 | Ludvig | +0.47 | 57 | 70 |
| #5 | Hansa | +0.20 | 63 | 62 |





