








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 808 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 380 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




118 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4344 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,652 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4882 | 28% |
| Smokes | 4899 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 4022 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3849 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $661,293 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1177 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spermino retardino | 53% | 58 |
| #2 | Horseradishhasbugla | 46% | 54 |
| #3 | Freg | 46% | 141 |
| #4 | Yuri Boi | 40% | 42 |
| #5 | HanzBimmer | 39% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | HanzBimmer | 39% | 51 |
| #6 | Estrogenware >w< | 39% | 23 |
| #7 | Femboy Fanatic | 39% | 77 |
| #8 | WinnieTheJew | 38% | 32 |
| #9 | Niggalas Cage | 35% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Freg | 86 | 0.0312 |
| #2 | Yuri Boi | 31 | 0.0356 |
| #3 | Horseradishhasbugla | 30 | 0.0276 |
| #4 | HanzBimmer | 25 | 0.0247 |
| #5 | Femboy Fanatic | 22 | 0.0139 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Horseradishhasbugla | 462 | 0.43 | 7 min |
| #2 | Freg | 375 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #3 | Spermino retardino | 292 | 0.23 | 7 min |
| #4 | Yuri Boi | 173 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #5 | HanzBimmer | 148 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Frug | +3.14 | 93 | 66 |
| #2 | Horseradishhasbugla | +0.90 | 85 | 47 |
| #3 | Spermino retardino | +0.44 | 97 | 65 |
| #4 | WinnieTheJew | -0.53 | 74 | 56 |
| #5 | Freg | -1.10 | 86 | 29 |





