








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 9 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 130 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




45 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2224 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,203 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1032 | 32% |
| Smokes | 641 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 570 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 960 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $756,351 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ProfessorHobs | 54% | 35 |
| #2 | starinatbars | 49% | 47 |
| #3 | olive eyes | 43% | 23 |
| #4 | Primetime | 43% | 21 |
| #5 | Wojtek | 42% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | olive eyes | 43% | 23 |
| #4 | Primetime | 43% | 21 |
| #5 | Wojtek | 42% | 71 |
| #6 | sen | 31% | 13 |
| #7 | Locked-in Syndrome ♿ | 27% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | starinatbars | 7 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | Wojtek | 6 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | ProfessorHobs | 2 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | olive eyes | 2 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | Locked-in Syndrome ♿ | 2 | 0.0063 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wojtek | 280 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #2 | starinatbars | 142 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | olive eyes | 76 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | ProfessorHobs | 52 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | Locked-in Syndrome ♿ | 38 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | starinatbars | +4.40 | 63 | 63 |
| #2 | sen | +1.78 | 88 | 53 |
| #3 | ProfessorHobs | +1.64 | 69 | 48 |
| #4 | Tiny Fish | +0.05 | 61 | 38 |
| #5 | olive eyes | -0.68 | 56 | 52 |





