








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 168 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 124 matches | ||
| Faceit | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2345 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,990 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 921 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1697 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1303 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2069 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $915,804 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 117 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NorsemaN | 49% | 245 |
| #2 | Hammy | 49% | 86 |
| #3 | shmaab | 48% | 189 |
| #4 | Bøjang Bugami | 46% | 106 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NorsemaN | 49% | 245 |
| #2 | Hammy | 49% | 86 |
| #3 | shmaab | 48% | 189 |
| #4 | Bøjang Bugami | 46% | 106 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NorsemaN | 21 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Bøjang Bugami | 8 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | shmaab | 7 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Hammy | 6 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NorsemaN | 568 | 0.11 | 15 min |
| #2 | Bøjang Bugami | 107 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #3 | shmaab | 82 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | Hammy | 29 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NorsemaN | +2.43 | 77 | 57 |
| #2 | Mr.Kibble | +1.12 | 63 | 43 |
| #3 | Hammy | -1.09 | 36 | 26 |
| #4 | Bøjang Bugami | -2.20 | 44 | 45 |
| #5 | shmaab | -2.60 | 39 | 34 |





