








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 289 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 470 matches | ||
| Premier | 43 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




63 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6288 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,488 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6473 | 42% |
| Smokes | 3594 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1128 | 7% |
| Molotovs | 4293 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,577,101 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 896 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | S t u r d y | 74% | 34 |
| #2 | Diese Hündinnen lieben Sosa | 58% | 31 |
| #3 | BuuL ✪ | 57% | 100 |
| #4 | the diddler | 54% | 146 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | S t u r d y | 74% | 34 |
| #2 | Diese Hündinnen lieben Sosa | 58% | 31 |
| #3 | BuuL ✪ | 57% | 100 |
| #4 | the diddler | 54% | 146 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BuuL ✪ | 15 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | the diddler | 9 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | Diese Hündinnen lieben Sosa | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | S t u r d y | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the diddler | 598 | 0.21 | 14 min |
| #2 | BuuL ✪ | 189 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | Diese Hündinnen lieben Sosa | 129 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #4 | S t u r d y | 20 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | S t u r d y | +2.85 | 79 | 26 |
| #2 | LaChèvre(Yung Chev not yo bitch | +2.56 | 89 | 59 |
| #3 | the diddler | +1.06 | 66 | 73 |
| #4 | BuuL ✪ | +0.01 | 76 | 55 |
| #5 | Diese Hündinnen lieben Sosa | -3.42 | 59 | 57 |





