








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 97 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1229 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,061 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 988 | 32% |
| Smokes | 593 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 815 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 665 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $121,948 of utility $28 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 188 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SlimJim | 45% | 56 |
| #2 | Marty | 42% | 177 |
| #3 | twat | 34% | 32 |
| #4 | dhore | 33% | 66 |
| #5 | Phukstick | 29% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Marty | 42% | 177 |
| #3 | twat | 34% | 32 |
| #4 | dhore | 33% | 66 |
| #5 | Phukstick | 29% | 31 |
| #6 | D4W_xK3RMZx | 20% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SlimJim | 15 | 0.0130 |
| #2 | dhore | 6 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | Marty | 5 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | twat | 2 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dhore | 236 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #2 | Marty | 140 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #3 | Phukstick | 55 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | SlimJim | 43 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | twat | 41 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Marty | +1.69 | 56 | 39 |
| #2 | SlimJim | +0.68 | 57 | 24 |
| #3 | Soup>ဟင်းချို | -0.13 | 47 | 41 |
| #4 | twat | -0.33 | 63 | 55 |
| #5 | Phukstick | -3.41 | 14 | 42 |





