








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 30 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 197 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3885 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,690 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 748 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1751 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 1100 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1091 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,044,689 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 106 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Soup>ဟင်းချို | 42% | 177 |
| #6 | twat | 36% | 33 |
| #7 | dhore | 34% | 89 |
| #8 | Phukstick | 27% | 48 |
| #9 | D4W_xK3RMZx | 23% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SlimJim | 36 | 0.0118 |
| #2 | Soup>ဟင်းချို | 8 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | dhore | 7 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | Maxfactornacker | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | twat | 3 | 0.0057 |





