








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 22 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Premier | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
643 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,679 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1561 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1152 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1496 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 470 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $337,739 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 17 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Marty | 34% | 89 |
| #6 | Soup>ဟင်းချို | 33% | 66 |
| #7 | twat | 29% | 24 |
| #8 | Phukstick | 21% | 24 |
| #9 | D4W_xK3RMZx | 6% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SlimJim | 8 | 0.0105 |
| #2 | pickles | 8 | 0.0190 |
| #3 | Indian Street Food | 5 | 0.0098 |
| #4 | Soup>ဟင်းချို | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | twat | 3 | 0.0085 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Soup>ဟင်းချို | 76 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #2 | Marty | 52 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #3 | Phukstick | 43 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | pickles | 36 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | twat | 35 | 0.10 | 1 min |





