








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 460 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 220 matches | ||
| Wingman | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3891 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,953 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1408 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1595 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 3122 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 2828 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $925,129 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 128 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Glögg | 58% | 186 |
| #2 | Gad | 58% | 113 |
| #3 | Cykelsøren | 56% | 126 |
| #4 | jake | 54% | 80 |
| #5 | Lil Willy in a Wheelchair | 54% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Glögg | 58% | 186 |
| #2 | Gad | 58% | 113 |
| #3 | Cykelsøren | 56% | 126 |
| #4 | jake | 54% | 80 |
| #5 | Lil Willy in a Wheelchair | 54% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Glögg | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #2 | Lil Willy in a Wheelchair | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cykelsøren | 454 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #2 | Glögg | 330 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #3 | jake | 200 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | Gad | 150 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | Lil Willy in a Wheelchair | 103 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sølvsten ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | +2.20 | 75 | 54 |
| #2 | jake | +1.13 | 74 | 59 |
| #3 | Cykelsøren | +0.60 | 66 | 67 |
| #4 | Glögg | -0.35 | 68 | 54 |
| #5 | Lil Willy in a Wheelchair | -0.82 | 59 | 57 |





