








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 130 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 235 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2522 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,757 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1660 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2262 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1831 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2004 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $701,110 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 179 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cykelsøren | 58% | 153 |
| #2 | Sølvsten ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 58% | 186 |
| #3 | Gad | 57% | 145 |
| #4 | Lil Willy in a Wheelchair | 51% | 86 |
| #5 | jake | 51% | 102 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cykelsøren | 58% | 153 |
| #2 | Sølvsten ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 58% | 186 |
| #3 | Gad | 57% | 145 |
| #4 | Lil Willy in a Wheelchair | 51% | 86 |
| #5 | jake | 51% | 102 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sølvsten ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #2 | Lil Willy in a Wheelchair | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | Cykelsøren | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #4 | Gad | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cykelsøren | 609 | 0.18 | 17 min |
| #2 | jake | 252 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | Sølvsten ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 198 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | Lil Willy in a Wheelchair | 166 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | Gad | 161 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sølvsten ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | +1.38 | 73 | 59 |
| #2 | jake | +1.24 | 74 | 60 |
| #3 | Cykelsøren | +0.89 | 66 | 67 |
| #4 | Glögg | +0.09 | 69 | 55 |
| #5 | Lil Willy in a Wheelchair | -0.52 | 59 | 56 |





