








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 147 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 166 matches | ||
| Premier | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1639 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,516 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1435 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1451 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1038 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1592 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $316,380 of utility $64 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sølvsten ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 58% | 113 |
| #2 | Glögg | 57% | 145 |
| #3 | Cykelsøren | 56% | 146 |
| #4 | Lil Willy in a Wheelchair | 55% | 62 |
| #5 | jake | 51% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sølvsten ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 58% | 113 |
| #2 | Glögg | 57% | 145 |
| #3 | Cykelsøren | 56% | 146 |
| #4 | Lil Willy in a Wheelchair | 55% | 62 |
| #5 | jake | 51% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cykelsøren | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #2 | Lil Willy in a Wheelchair | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Glögg | 2 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cykelsøren | 579 | 0.18 | 17 min |
| #2 | Glögg | 294 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #3 | jake | 153 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | Sølvsten ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 124 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | Lil Willy in a Wheelchair | 106 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cykelsøren | +2.14 | 68 | 69 |
| #2 | Sølvsten ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | +1.36 | 72 | 60 |
| #3 | jake | +0.67 | 72 | 62 |
| #4 | Glögg | +0.31 | 70 | 56 |
| #5 | Lil Willy in a Wheelchair | +0.13 | 60 | 54 |





