








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 402 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 42 matches | ||
| Wingman | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Premier | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2268 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,670 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1256 | 34% |
| Smokes | 664 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 874 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 876 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $900,871 of utility $154 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 46 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kawaii Bunga | 67% | 21 |
| #2 | Space Monkey Brothel | 59% | 29 |
| #3 | chimp | 49% | 177 |
| #4 | XtremeDuncan | 48% | 155 |
| #5 | Myzirix | 48% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | YellowMonkee | 44% | 88 |
| #11 | Funny Monkey | 43% | 70 |
| #12 | Zarr | 35% | 65 |
| #13 | @preston.a91 | 34% | 41 |
| #14 | Ryno | 29% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | XtremeDuncan | 33 | 0.0106 |
| #2 | chimp | 27 | 0.0078 |
| #3 | YellowMonkee | 22 | 0.0126 |
| #4 | Zarr | 21 | 0.0161 |
| #5 | Space Monkey Brothel | 12 | 0.0214 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chimp | 534 | 0.15 | 16 min |
| #2 | XtremeDuncan | 482 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #3 | YellowMonkee | 275 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #4 | Funny Monkey | 205 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #5 | @preston.a91 | 167 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | XtremeDuncan | +2.10 | 53 | 71 |
| #2 | Shaggy | +1.32 | 52 | 40 |
| #3 | Zarr | +1.11 | 78 | 49 |
| #4 | Ryno | +0.60 | 61 | 48 |
| #5 | chimp | +0.52 | 54 | 78 |





