








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1492 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 82 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 56 matches | ||
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 37 matches | ||
| Wingman | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 77 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




89 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5412 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 36,760 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9033 | 25% |
| Smokes | 10317 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 10016 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 7394 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,996,708 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 727 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shaggy | 49% | 177 |
| #2 | Funny Monkey | 48% | 106 |
| #3 | Space Monkey Brothel | 48% | 73 |
| #4 | XtremeDuncan | 46% | 366 |
| #5 | Zarr | 46% | 316 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YellowMonkee | 108 | 0.0153 |
| #2 | Zarr | 89 | 0.0140 |
| #3 | XtremeDuncan | 77 | 0.0104 |
| #4 | weebsaucey | 25 | 0.0084 |
| #5 | Bingus | 21 | 0.0055 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | XtremeDuncan | 1292 | 0.17 | 30 min |
| #2 | YellowMonkee | 1179 | 0.17 | 23 min |
| #3 | Zarr | 408 | 0.06 | 9 min |
| #4 | weebsaucey | 382 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #5 | Funny Monkey | 379 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | XtremeDuncan | +1.92 | 59 | 68 |
| #2 | Zarr | +1.78 | 75 | 46 |
| #3 | Ryno | +1.02 | 61 | 50 |
| #4 | Shaggy | +0.56 | 50 | 37 |
| #5 | chimp | +0.35 | 49 | 76 |





