








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 213 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1572 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,241 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1927 | 45% |
| Smokes | 980 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1023 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 311 | 7% |
Our logs show you have wasted $582,135 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 167 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Space Monkey Brothel | 74% | 19 |
| #2 | Kawaii Bunga | 53% | 32 |
| #3 | XtremeDuncan | 50% | 98 |
| #4 | chimp | 48% | 106 |
| #5 | Myzirix | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zarr | 23 | 0.0132 |
| #2 | XtremeDuncan | 17 | 0.0084 |
| #3 | YellowMonkee | 14 | 0.0137 |
| #4 | chimp | 11 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | Shaggy | 11 | 0.0085 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | XtremeDuncan | 329 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #2 | chimp | 312 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #3 | YellowMonkee | 144 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | Shaggy | 118 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Zarr | 116 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | XtremeDuncan | +2.45 | 59 | 68 |
| #2 | Zarr | +1.51 | 71 | 46 |
| #3 | Shaggy | +1.47 | 48 | 35 |
| #4 | Ryno | +0.50 | 42 | 60 |
| #5 | Funny Monkey | +0.16 | 60 | 46 |





