








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 832 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 104 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 18 matches | ||
| Premier | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 103 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




145 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5179 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,025 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7045 | 28% |
| Smokes | 6948 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 6910 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 4122 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,418,376 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 267 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kawaii Bunga | 54% | 93 |
| #2 | Space Monkey Brothel | 53% | 92 |
| #3 | Funny Monkey | 50% | 98 |
| #4 | Shaggy | 48% | 155 |
| #5 | chimp | 46% | 366 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zarr | 58 | 0.0166 |
| #2 | YellowMonkee | 50 | 0.0110 |
| #3 | chimp | 41 | 0.0056 |
| #4 | Space Monkey Brothel | 22 | 0.0122 |
| #5 | Kawaii Bunga | 19 | 0.0104 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chimp | 1103 | 0.15 | 32 min |
| #2 | YellowMonkee | 711 | 0.16 | 15 min |
| #3 | Funny Monkey | 340 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #4 | Shaggy | 253 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #5 | Zarr | 237 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | XtremeDuncan | +1.86 | 58 | 69 |
| #2 | Zarr | +1.27 | 77 | 46 |
| #3 | Ryno | +0.42 | 56 | 52 |
| #4 | chimp | +0.32 | 53 | 76 |
| #5 | Shaggy | +0.12 | 50 | 42 |





