








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 647 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 72 matches | ||
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2109 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,907 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1617 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1678 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1191 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1421 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $489,265 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 339 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fudge | 100% | 10 |
| #2 | cruux | 86% | 14 |
| #3 | Hellbert | 70% | 10 |
| #4 | Headbang | 68% | 34 |
| #5 | oXX1d ッ | 67% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jultim4te | 15 | 0.0183 |
| #2 | Talahon PEEK | 12 | 0.0228 |
| #3 | Headbang | 4 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | guccisandals | 3 | 0.0102 |
| #5 | cruux | 3 | 0.0120 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slowly | 97 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #2 | Jultim4te | 88 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | Smax✪ | 66 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Talahon PEEK | 44 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | Headbang | 35 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | broke. | +2.96 | 86 | 69 |
| #2 | slowly | +2.72 | 88 | 51 |
| #3 | Headbang | +1.61 | 95 | 48 |
| #4 | oXX1d ッ | +1.33 | 83 | 56 |
| #5 | Hellbert | +0.90 | 45 | 54 |





