








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 407 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 119 matches | ||
| Premier | 89 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3166 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,725 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2540 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1994 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1972 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2219 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $823,708 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 151 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | traumato | 67% | 18 |
| #2 | ja voilà | 62% | 21 |
| #3 | Yeesus | 62% | 13 |
| #4 | slowly | 59% | 27 |
| #5 | broke. | 58% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [E45] Winniepoo | 11 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | broke. | 2 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Banani | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | Privat | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Talahon PEEK | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [E45] Winniepoo | 327 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #2 | Banani | 164 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | Privat | 145 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | broke. | 82 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | slowly | 69 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slowly | +2.09 | 85 | 54 |
| #2 | broke. | +2.02 | 85 | 71 |
| #3 | Smax✪ | +1.86 | 79 | 60 |
| #4 | Headbang | +1.36 | 96 | 47 |
| #5 | Banani | +1.18 | 77 | 56 |





