








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 326 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 736 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 65 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6655 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 28,443 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5730 | 20% |
| Smokes | 8224 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 6487 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 8002 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,671,884 of utility $155 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 108 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ★AlcoHoliCcc-✘^ | 50% | 185 |
| #2 | AsaSain⫍ ⃢ ⫎ | 49% | 318 |
| #3 | KD | 49% | 435 |
| #4 | Whiffmeister | 49% | 265 |
| #5 | Señor Vac | 48% | 342 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ParadiseGG | 20 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | KD | 17 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Marwale cinematic universe | 12 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | GAMER | 11 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Señor Vac | 9 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Marwale cinematic universe | 2237 | 0.16 | 69 min |
| #2 | KD | 1590 | 0.17 | 43 min |
| #3 | Señor Vac | 1287 | 0.17 | 36 min |
| #4 | GAMER | 1040 | 0.12 | 26 min |
| #5 | ParadiseGG | 876 | 0.11 | 15 min |





