








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 422 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 539 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6598 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,166 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6558 | 43% |
| Smokes | 1170 | 8% |
| HE Grenades | 3282 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 4156 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,431,858 of utility $179 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 111 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Whiffmeister | 48% | 139 |
| #6 | KD | 48% | 378 |
| #7 | ParadiseGG | 48% | 359 |
| #8 | AsaSain⫍ ⃢ ⫎ | 47% | 226 |
| #9 | GAMER | 44% | 218 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ParadiseGG | 25 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | Marwale cinematic universe | 20 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | KD | 18 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | AsaSain⫍ ⃢ ⫎ | 10 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | GAMER | 9 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Marwale cinematic universe | 1714 | 0.15 | 52 min |
| #2 | KD | 1453 | 0.18 | 37 min |
| #3 | ParadiseGG | 940 | 0.12 | 17 min |
| #4 | T H 3 ♣ N E M E S ! $ | 779 | 0.11 | 21 min |
| #5 | GAMER | 533 | 0.11 | 15 min |





