








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1455 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1110 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 135 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
11798 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 48,006 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12458 | 26% |
| Smokes | 15090 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 9560 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 10898 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,815,102 of utility $184 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 514 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ParadiseGG | 48% | 637 |
| #6 | T H 3 ♣ N E M E S ! $ | 48% | 652 |
| #7 | KD | 48% | 713 |
| #8 | AsaSain⫍ ⃢ ⫎ | 47% | 579 |
| #9 | GAMER | 47% | 637 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ParadiseGG | 36 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | KD | 27 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | AsaSain⫍ ⃢ ⫎ | 24 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Señor Vac | 22 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | GAMER | 18 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KD | 2712 | 0.18 | 73 min |
| #2 | Señor Vac | 2132 | 0.19 | 62 min |
| #3 | GAMER | 1747 | 0.13 | 44 min |
| #4 | ParadiseGG | 1717 | 0.13 | 30 min |
| #5 | T H 3 ♣ N E M E S ! $ | 1525 | 0.11 | 41 min |





