








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 25 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 139 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1057 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,383 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 101 | 7% |
| Smokes | 535 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 53 | 4% |
| Molotovs | 694 | 50% |
Our logs show you have wasted $131,532 of utility $39 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spartan | 74% | 34 |
| #2 | Jimify | 70% | 10 |
| #3 | Nozza | 67% | 21 |
| #4 | JustGary | 63% | 46 |
| #5 | boosted staRR | 61% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Sweet Beef | 56% | 77 |
| #11 | t0ro | 56% | 9 |
| #12 | Whippopotamus | 55% | 58 |
| #13 | Fencer1223 | 55% | 11 |
| #14 | Horizzon | 54% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✨ Luz | 5 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Sweet Beef | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Whippopotamus | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Joon_Jon ジュンジョン | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #5 | ✪MATHIAS | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✨ Luz | 338 | 0.29 | 8 min |
| #2 | Joon_Jon ジュンジョン | 322 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #3 | Sweet Beef | 217 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | Whippopotamus | 186 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #5 | JustGary | 145 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joon_Jon ジュンジョン | +3.99 | 77 | 67 |
| #2 | ✨ Luz | +3.49 | 89 | 56 |
| #3 | Jimify | +1.03 | 75 | 57 |
| #4 | boosted staRR | +0.56 | 74 | 57 |
| #5 | Horizzon | +0.56 | 74 | 38 |





