








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 89 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 152 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1719 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,552 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2005 | 36% |
| Smokes | 1677 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1017 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 853 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $497,688 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 127 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | haydos | 63% | 30 |
| #2 | Spicy Vaseline | 62% | 29 |
| #3 | monk | 53% | 32 |
| #4 | Ktulu #GSU | 52% | 33 |
| #5 | sweet meat | 51% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Spicy Vaseline | 62% | 29 |
| #3 | monk | 53% | 32 |
| #4 | Ktulu #GSU | 52% | 33 |
| #5 | sweet meat | 51% | 43 |
| #6 | mob1e | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ktulu #GSU | 2 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | monk | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | sweet meat | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | haydos | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Spicy Vaseline | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ktulu #GSU | 92 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #2 | monk | 86 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | haydos | 75 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | Spicy Vaseline | 64 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | sweet meat | 47 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spicy Vaseline | +2.56 | 68 | 62 |
| #2 | haydos | +2.41 | 74 | 55 |
| #3 | Ktulu #GSU | +2.08 | 56 | 63 |
| #4 | fork_Lift #GSU | +0.56 | 54 | 58 |
| #5 | monk | +0.38 | 60 | 59 |





