








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 977 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 306 matches | ||
| Faceit | 111 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4596 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,099 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3954 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4795 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 3127 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3223 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,390,123 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 171 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spicy Vaseline | 70% | 37 |
| #2 | fork_Lift #GSU | 63% | 30 |
| #3 | monk | 57% | 35 |
| #4 | I Lick Windows | 55% | 56 |
| #5 | Ktulu #GSU | 54% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | fork_Lift #GSU | 63% | 30 |
| #3 | monk | 57% | 35 |
| #4 | I Lick Windows | 55% | 56 |
| #5 | Ktulu #GSU | 54% | 56 |
| #6 | TheLikeableEnglishman | 49% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ktulu #GSU | 6 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | Spicy Vaseline | 3 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | I Lick Windows | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | monk | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | TheLikeableEnglishman | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ktulu #GSU | 194 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #2 | TheLikeableEnglishman | 143 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #3 | fork_Lift #GSU | 104 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #4 | I Lick Windows | 98 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | monk | 87 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spicy Vaseline | +2.13 | 71 | 53 |
| #2 | haydos | +1.95 | 83 | 53 |
| #3 | monk | +1.03 | 63 | 60 |
| #4 | I Lick Windows | +0.88 | 74 | 53 |
| #5 | fork_Lift #GSU | -0.43 | 51 | 60 |





