








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 344 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 427 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5234 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,122 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4624 | 46% |
| Smokes | 2212 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2466 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 820 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $528,618 of utility $48 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 199 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | haydos | 70% | 37 |
| #2 | fork_Lift #GSU | 62% | 29 |
| #3 | monk | 57% | 103 |
| #4 | Ktulu #GSU | 47% | 218 |
| #5 | mob1e | 37% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | haydos | 70% | 37 |
| #2 | fork_Lift #GSU | 62% | 29 |
| #3 | monk | 57% | 103 |
| #4 | Ktulu #GSU | 47% | 218 |
| #5 | mob1e | 37% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | monk | 10 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | Ktulu #GSU | 9 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | mob1e | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | haydos | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ktulu #GSU | 823 | 0.18 | 22 min |
| #2 | monk | 288 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #3 | mob1e | 140 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #4 | fork_Lift #GSU | 95 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | haydos | 81 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | haydos | +2.08 | 73 | 59 |
| #2 | monk | +1.02 | 68 | 52 |
| #3 | Spicy Vaseline | +0.97 | 72 | 54 |
| #4 | fork_Lift #GSU | +0.65 | 57 | 64 |
| #5 | Ktulu #GSU | -0.61 | 48 | 63 |





