








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 483 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 70 matches | ||
| Wingman | 29 matches | ||
| Faceit | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2173 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,345 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3716 | 45% |
| Smokes | 1670 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 1171 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 1788 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $293,647 of utility $80 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 238 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shroomie | 73% | 30 |
| #2 | Elle | 73% | 26 |
| #3 | Warlix | 68% | 28 |
| #4 | DusntAxe | 60% | 10 |
| #5 | Not Ozix | 60% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coldpillow | 9 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Not Ozix | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Pinwin | 3 | 0.0067 |
| #4 | LukaTheDragon | 2 | 0.0081 |
| #5 | Elle | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coldpillow | 326 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #2 | Not Ozix | 123 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | Elle | 62 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Warlix | 57 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | DusntAxe | 49 | 0.24 | 2 min |





