








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 603 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 92 matches | ||
| Wingman | 85 matches | ||
| Premier | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4585 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,917 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5771 | 34% |
| Smokes | 4052 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2956 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 4138 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $908,938 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 131 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -staRiTTo ? | 68% | 28 |
| #2 | datsleoH | 59% | 123 |
| #3 | neqze | 58% | 55 |
| #4 | Cooking Swag | 57% | 42 |
| #5 | Squimsh | 55% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | ♿⛟ | 47% | 43 |
| #12 | Psychedelic | 43% | 99 |
| #13 | Faisch | 40% | 65 |
| #14 | *sad cat noises* | 33% | 27 |
| #15 | G2 Alloyy | 30% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Faisch | 22 | 0.0168 |
| #2 | ♿⛟ | 18 | 0.0204 |
| #3 | G2 Alloyy | 12 | 0.0132 |
| #4 | Squimsh | 10 | 0.0104 |
| #5 | datsleoH | 7 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Faisch | 304 | 0.23 | 7 min |
| #2 | Snute | 231 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | datsleoH | 191 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #4 | ♿⛟ | 146 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | -staRiTTo ? | 131 | 0.26 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | monke | +4.39 | 74 | 42 |
| #2 | Warlix | +4.00 | 91 | 77 |
| #3 | -staRiTTo ? | +2.42 | 93 | 79 |
| #4 | datsleoH | +1.76 | 59 | 67 |
| #5 | Cooking Swag | +1.08 | 70 | 52 |





