








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 402 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 114 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 105 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4255 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,071 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1953 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2013 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1759 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1346 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,494,830 of utility $177 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hung3a8 | 62% | 26 |
| #2 | empurple | 53% | 75 |
| #3 | Noel | 53% | 139 |
| #4 | Katyu! | 50% | 24 |
| #5 | Ouroboros | 50% | 98 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | redhoodvn | 9 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | 9999 | 8 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Noel | 7 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | empurple | 6 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | Ouroboros | 3 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | redhoodvn | 863 | 0.20 | 22 min |
| #2 | Ouroboros | 439 | 0.23 | 9 min |
| #3 | 9999 | 383 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #4 | Noel | 304 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #5 | empurple | 127 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noel | +6.14 | 75 | 59 |
| #2 | empurple | +4.78 | 67 | 50 |
| #3 | c4mlog | +2.04 | 67 | 52 |
| #4 | redhoodvn | -0.12 | 56 | 60 |
| #5 | Katyu! | -0.49 | 74 | 41 |





