








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
509 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 639 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 89 | 14% |
| Smokes | 178 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 144 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 228 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $265,413 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | qty | 79% | 14 |
| #2 | eric | 75% | 8 |
| #3 | huh??? (feet sniffer) | 75% | 12 |
| #4 | eric | 71% | 17 |
| #5 | Quudi | 64% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | ǝnolɐM ʎobʍoƆ | 50% | 14 |
| #8 | cooms in my burrito | 47% | 19 |
| #9 | Dr. wA | 44% | 99 |
| #10 | Boneless Watermelon | 29% | 14 |
| #11 | ☠ | 25% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ǝnolɐM ʎobʍoƆ | 4 | 0.0142 |
| #2 | Quudi | 3 | 0.0065 |
| #3 | Dr. wA | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | qty | 2 | 0.0080 |
| #5 | huh??? (feet sniffer) | 2 | 0.0091 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. wA | 51 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #2 | eric | 35 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #3 | huh??? (feet sniffer) | 32 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #4 | Quudi | 28 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | ǝnolɐM ʎobʍoƆ | 22 | 0.08 | 1 min |





