








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1365 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 955 matches | ||
| Wingman | 98 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 61 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




308 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9174 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 32,768 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6525 | 20% |
| Smokes | 10917 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 9598 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 5728 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,168,636 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2853 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Fabulous HUDSON HORNET | 46% | 340 |
| #7 | Hackbraten | 45% | 437 |
| #8 | Silence | 45% | 85 |
| #9 | Venox | 44% | 232 |
| #10 | triebtäteR | 42% | 239 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hackbraten | 98 | 0.0107 |
| #2 | Venox | 67 | 0.0141 |
| #3 | triebtäteR | 60 | 0.0125 |
| #4 | Fabulous HUDSON HORNET | 59 | 0.0088 |
| #5 | Gtx_Hamster | 42 | 0.0080 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hackbraten | 1361 | 0.15 | 36 min |
| #2 | FRE3ZER | 750 | 0.16 | 20 min |
| #3 | Venox | 460 | 0.10 | 12 min |
| #4 | Fabulous HUDSON HORNET | 385 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #5 | triebtäteR | 385 | 0.08 | 8 min |





