








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 747 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 113 matches | ||
| Faceit | 57 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2316 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,943 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 580 | 10% |
| Smokes | 2239 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 1694 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1430 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,149,799 of utility $236 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 230 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | tidneB | 60% | 126 |
| #3 | Mikrobløgeovn | 58% | 137 |
| #4 | The sad king | 55% | 132 |
| #5 | nob | 54% | 96 |
| #6 | Tralalero Tralala | 48% | 118 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The sad king | 15 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | Mikrobløgeovn | 11 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | tidneB | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Tralalero Tralala | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | nob | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The sad king | 412 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #2 | nob | 340 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #3 | Tralalero Tralala | 234 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #4 | tidneB | 85 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #5 | Mikrobløgeovn | 62 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NIL | +1.75 | 81 | 44 |
| #2 | The sad king | +1.72 | 76 | 61 |
| #3 | Mikrobløgeovn | -0.08 | 42 | 45 |
| #4 | nob | -0.66 | 75 | 65 |
| #5 | Tralalero Tralala | -0.92 | 66 | 53 |





