








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1083 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 215 matches | ||
| Premier | 90 matches | ||
| Faceit | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2811 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,534 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3150 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1768 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1893 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2723 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,271,457 of utility $182 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 268 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tidneB | 57% | 76 |
| #2 | Mikrobløgeovn | 56% | 64 |
| #3 | The sad king | 56% | 102 |
| #4 | NIL | 54% | 96 |
| #5 | Tralalero Tralala | 51% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tidneB | 57% | 76 |
| #2 | Mikrobløgeovn | 56% | 64 |
| #3 | The sad king | 56% | 102 |
| #4 | NIL | 54% | 96 |
| #5 | Tralalero Tralala | 51% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The sad king | 11 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | Mikrobløgeovn | 7 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | NIL | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Tralalero Tralala | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | tidneB | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The sad king | 294 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #2 | Tralalero Tralala | 93 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | NIL | 67 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | tidneB | 49 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Mikrobløgeovn | 30 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NIL | +1.69 | 81 | 47 |
| #2 | The sad king | +1.29 | 78 | 58 |
| #3 | nob | +0.32 | 78 | 58 |
| #4 | Mikrobløgeovn | -0.48 | 34 | 49 |
| #5 | Tralalero Tralala | -0.80 | 67 | 45 |





