








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 628 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 91 matches | ||
| Wingman | 73 matches | ||
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1402 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,471 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1168 | 21% |
| Smokes | 893 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 1744 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1666 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $847,657 of utility $195 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 917 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | The sad king | 52% | 99 |
| #3 | nob | 51% | 72 |
| #4 | Mikrobløgeovn | 51% | 86 |
| #5 | NIL | 48% | 118 |
| #6 | tidneB | 44% | 140 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The sad king | 15 | 0.0073 |
| #2 | Mikrobløgeovn | 12 | 0.0065 |
| #3 | NIL | 10 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | tidneB | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | nob | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The sad king | 262 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #2 | nob | 199 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | NIL | 101 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | tidneB | 99 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | Mikrobløgeovn | 39 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The sad king | +1.93 | 78 | 60 |
| #2 | NIL | +1.71 | 83 | 43 |
| #3 | nob | +0.75 | 76 | 61 |
| #4 | Mikrobløgeovn | -0.72 | 41 | 47 |
| #5 | Tralalero Tralala | -0.89 | 67 | 50 |





