








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 514 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 87 matches | ||
| Wingman | 87 matches | ||
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1979 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,033 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 988 | 24% |
| Smokes | 604 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 905 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1536 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $913,999 of utility $194 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 170 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NIL | 60% | 126 |
| #2 | Mikrobløgeovn | 58% | 86 |
| #3 | nob | 57% | 76 |
| #4 | The sad king | 53% | 76 |
| #5 | Tralalero Tralala | 44% | 140 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mikrobløgeovn | 14 | 0.0077 |
| #2 | The sad king | 13 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | NIL | 8 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | nob | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Tralalero Tralala | 2 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The sad king | 232 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #2 | Tralalero Tralala | 228 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | nob | 213 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | NIL | 119 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | Mikrobløgeovn | 41 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NIL | +2.52 | 84 | 48 |
| #2 | The sad king | +2.09 | 78 | 60 |
| #3 | Mikrobløgeovn | +0.43 | 47 | 46 |
| #4 | nob | +0.18 | 80 | 61 |
| #5 | Tralalero Tralala | -0.93 | 67 | 50 |





