








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 75 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 180 matches | ||
| Premier | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




62 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3095 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,460 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3374 | 36% |
| Smokes | 2274 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1469 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2343 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,196,912 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1129 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | goblins are real | 43% | 21 |
| #14 | AHHHHHHHHHH | 42% | 24 |
| #15 | Cherry | 39% | 28 |
| #16 | PlzMoar | 39% | 18 |
| #17 | sLug | 35% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | holycow | 9 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Xie | 9 | 0.0173 |
| #3 | Cagey | 7 | 0.0105 |
| #4 | deckle- | 6 | 0.0052 |
| #5 | virx1 | 6 | 0.0102 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | holycow | 517 | 0.21 | 12 min |
| #2 | deckle- | 227 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #3 | Cagey | 210 | 0.32 | 6 min |
| #4 | Ericcc | 163 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | goblins are real | 161 | 0.19 | 3 min |





