








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 50 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 150 matches | ||
| Premier | 120 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2577 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,228 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3982 | 35% |
| Smokes | 2877 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1751 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2618 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $939,621 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 492 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | deckle- | 65% | 20 |
| #2 | scary- | 60% | 25 |
| #3 | eqz | 60% | 30 |
| #4 | Cagey | 56% | 32 |
| #5 | Sir Longballs | 54% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #19 | CraMdeN | 38% | 109 |
| #20 | steez | 37% | 30 |
| #21 | Daybreak | 36% | 99 |
| #22 | jazzer | 36% | 25 |
| #23 | peeboy14 | 33% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NextGenMason | 12 | 0.0154 |
| #2 | holycow | 8 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | Semaj | 7 | 0.0092 |
| #4 | Cagey | 6 | 0.0079 |
| #5 | Ericcc | 5 | 0.0056 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | holycow | 384 | 0.24 | 10 min |
| #2 | Daybreak | 301 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #3 | goblins are real | 297 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #4 | CraMdeN | 232 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | Cagey | 211 | 0.28 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | deckle- | +4.35 | 78 | 55 |
| #2 | eqz | +2.47 | 63 | 63 |
| #3 | Cagey | +2.40 | 71 | 73 |
| #4 | Ericcc | +1.66 | 64 | 52 |
| #5 | NextGenMason | +1.44 | 63 | 56 |





