








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 85 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 125 matches | ||
| Premier | 113 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3920 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,989 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2802 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3201 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1484 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 2502 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,022,060 of utility $168 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 314 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DUM DUM WANT GUM GUM | 76% | 21 |
| #2 | measured and thoughful cs | 73% | 30 |
| #3 | Sidney Phillips | 58% | 38 |
| #4 | Perry Prolapse | 56% | 116 |
| #5 | QuickBrownFox | 56% | 104 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Sidney Phillips | 58% | 38 |
| #4 | Perry Prolapse | 56% | 116 |
| #5 | QuickBrownFox | 56% | 104 |
| #6 | Walter L. Smith III | 56% | 61 |
| #7 | bellyfan1234 | 52% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | QuickBrownFox | 14 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | Perry Prolapse | 12 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | bellyfan1234 | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | DUM DUM WANT GUM GUM | 3 | 0.0075 |
| #5 | Walter L. Smith III | 2 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Perry Prolapse | 451 | 0.18 | 11 min |
| #2 | bellyfan1234 | 274 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #3 | QuickBrownFox | 271 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #4 | Sidney Phillips | 167 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #5 | Walter L. Smith III | 122 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | measured and thoughful cs | +3.39 | 83 | 68 |
| #2 | chat gpt | +2.48 | 80 | 55 |
| #3 | Sidney Phillips | +1.96 | 82 | 55 |
| #4 | DUM DUM WANT GUM GUM | +1.64 | 71 | 61 |
| #5 | QuickBrownFox | +0.75 | 75 | 51 |





