








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 55 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
813 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,885 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 702 | 24% |
| Smokes | 647 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 740 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 796 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $62,750 of utility $48 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Skit ❹ | 100% | 6 |
| #2 | uppers | 89% | 9 |
| #3 | Torque | 75% | 8 |
| #4 | H a v o c | 75% | 20 |
| #5 | thankyou for sunshine | 73% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | thankyou for sunshine | 73% | 30 |
| #6 | coops | 67% | 3 |
| #7 | Ming ✪CSGO corrupt update files? | 67% | 6 |
| #8 | Jacktheaus | 67% | 12 |
| #9 | mpr | 60% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mpr | 4 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | H a v o c | 3 | 0.0079 |
| #3 | thankyou for sunshine | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mpr | 178 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #2 | thankyou for sunshine | 89 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | H a v o c | 86 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #4 | uppers | 31 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #5 | Jacktheaus | 30 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BELLY | +3.06 | 87 | 74 |
| #2 | Torque | +2.16 | 75 | 61 |
| #3 | Skit ❹ | +2.10 | 75 | 66 |
| #4 | coops | +1.82 | 92 | 55 |
| #5 | Jacktheaus | +1.65 | 67 | 74 |





