








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 73 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 119 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1680 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,418 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 757 | 31% |
| Smokes | 381 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 562 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 718 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,127,706 of utility $312 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 39 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chat gpt | 56% | 61 |
| #2 | QuickBrownFox | 50% | 103 |
| #3 | Perry Prolapse | 46% | 78 |
| #4 | GOATIS RESPECT | 42% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chat gpt | 56% | 61 |
| #2 | QuickBrownFox | 50% | 103 |
| #3 | Perry Prolapse | 46% | 78 |
| #4 | GOATIS RESPECT | 42% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chat gpt | 24 | 0.0185 |
| #2 | QuickBrownFox | 15 | 0.0070 |
| #3 | Perry Prolapse | 7 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | GOATIS RESPECT | 7 | 0.0178 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Perry Prolapse | 321 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #2 | chat gpt | 291 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #3 | QuickBrownFox | 272 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #4 | GOATIS RESPECT | 74 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GOATIS RESPECT | +4.95 | 80 | 54 |
| #2 | chat gpt | +3.57 | 77 | 52 |
| #3 | QuickBrownFox | +1.62 | 78 | 53 |
| #4 | Perry Prolapse | -1.46 | 64 | 56 |
| #5 | Walter L. Smith III | -1.73 | 67 | 32 |





