








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 349 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 94 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




56 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1643 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,873 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 573 | 15% |
| Smokes | 997 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1493 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 810 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,343,238 of utility $386 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1557 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Heiskju | 54% | 37 |
| #2 | Bllω | 48% | 90 |
| #3 | Dr. Ored | 47% | 74 |
| #4 | Blazu | 47% | 17 |
| #5 | Da4vid | 47% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | eem1L | 43% | 37 |
| #9 | jelmukka | 43% | 49 |
| #10 | Podefiili | 43% | 70 |
| #11 | Poika Patiksesta | 39% | 23 |
| #12 | kassipoeg | 30% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Poika Patiksesta | 12 | 0.0248 |
| #2 | Bllω | 9 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | Blazu | 6 | 0.0163 |
| #4 | Dr. Ored | 5 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | jelmukka | 5 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bllω | 257 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #2 | jelmukka | 95 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | Heiskju | 88 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Poika Patiksesta | 87 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #5 | Podefiili | 72 | 0.05 | 1 min |





