








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 708 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 276 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1928 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,153 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1361 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1414 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 2396 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1982 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,934,984 of utility $305 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 202 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | jelmukka | 38% | 110 |
| #9 | Da4vid | 35% | 94 |
| #10 | Bllω | 35% | 203 |
| #11 | Poika Patiksesta | 29% | 70 |
| #12 | eem1L | 26% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | auttava käsi | 22 | 0.0147 |
| #2 | kassipoeg | 11 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Da4vid | 9 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | Dr. Ored | 8 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | Bllω | 7 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bllω | 562 | 0.13 | 18 min |
| #2 | Poika Patiksesta | 243 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #3 | Heiskju | 237 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #4 | jelmukka | 190 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #5 | kassipoeg | 170 | 0.06 | 3 min |





